Monday, June 17, 2013

Let's talk about death challenge: Day 14

Photo: Where are you in your journey and how is grief different today than it was in early times? (For those who are not in acute grief)...

Day 14 as we continue to talk about death and things that really matter.

In the first weeks I was in a black hole of grief. The sides were tall and smooth. The blackness was all-encompassing and there was no escape. I wept every single day as the enormity of my loss loomed larger every day. I sobbed in the shower, in bed, on the kitchen floor.

Today the grief is softer. I still miss my little girl so much. Miss the two and a half year old she should be. But most days are easier. Then the days come where I can feel myself sinking into that black pit of despair. When that happens I just go there. I try not to fight it. I sleep if I can. I forgive myself for my inadequateness, the laundry piling up, frozen pizza for supper, the sink full of dishes, and grieve, because, after all, I have the right to grieve. Still and always. It seems to only come a day or three at a time now. I know I will catch up on laundry, cook a real dinner, wash the dishes and smile again.

The biggest difference between then and now is that now I know when I sink into the blackness, it will recede sooner or later and light will shine through again.

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