Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Home sweet home.

Home sweet home.

It is such a relief to see Nathan sleeping in his own bed.




But today I find myself completely exhausted. Sleep in the hospital was scarce and now it's catching up to me...but it's more than that. It's the relief maybe but it's also the 'what would have beens' with Eva. The hospital would have been her community. The nurses there wouldn't say that they remembered Eva from years ago. They would be greeting Eva and remembering her favourite band aid character. She would have a favourite lab tech for blood draws...just, well, all those things...not really fun things but the reality is Eva would have had more sick days than most kids...had she lived.

I'm sure it's much nicer for the government the way it is now.  Death is so much cheaper than sick kids.

I'm feeling, sad and, well, sad today.

Missing my girl and thinking on things no parent should have to think about.


9 comments:

  1. Praying for you today. I can totally see how this experience with bring up all of those emotions:( May God's peace that surpasses all understanding guard your heart and mind.

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  2. After another hospital stay and another scare - how could you feel any other way? I know that someday I will have to go back to that hospital and just thinking about it makes me sick. I am happy you're home but of course it brings up everything!!! Xoxo

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    1. We are happy to be home too. It hasn't been easy though.

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  3. So thankful Nathan is home, healthy, in his own bed. So sad that Eva is not. It is utterly exhausting -- the worry and the sad and the hoping and the wishing and the ... everything. Take care, sweet mama. I mostly lurk these days but want you to know I'm still here -- reading and thinking of you and missing your precious Eva. xoxo

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    1. Thank you for taking the time to comment Amanda. remembering Charlotte.

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  4. I am so glad to see Nathan home, safe and sound. I am sorry that this was so close to your grief. I so wish that Eva could be here to show little brother how not to be scared. I know that I would have been a complete wreck, you are one amazing Mama for getting through this.

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    1. I am so glad he is safely home too...he was a champ in hospital really. A grouchy champ. But it was such a relief to see him in his own bed. Thank you for stopping in Grace's mom, and taking the time to comment.

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  5. How is Nathan doing now Dm? X

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