Mike, among other men.

I have been thinking alot about Mike lately.  I read awhile ago on another blog http://www.mrsspit.ca/ about how a dad feels after losing a child and he compares it to losing a leg.  After awhile, he learns to use a prosthetic pretty well. If he's wearing pants no one can see his leg is missing. He can function and walk around.  Some people who have only ever seen him wear pants don't even know he's missing a leg. But still it hurts and he's always missing a limb.

Some people ask me how Mike is doing but really I don't know.  If someone asks how I'm doing I can honestly say 'not too bad'.  I guess I'm learning how to use my leg too. Sometimes the truth is more 'well, awful, but functioning'...you know, everyone ate supper tonight, got their jammies on, a story (because heaven forbid anyone can go to sleep in this house without a story-including me really as the bible is a great comfort and I read it almost every night); but I digress.  How is Mike? I don't really know. A better question might be: How is Mike managing? He's managing all right.  He's getting work done, he's playing with the children we have left, he's putting drywall in the basement, he's hugging his wife and even remembering flowers for Valentine's...and that's managing if you're a guy, right? You get your work done, you take care of your family.  I guess Mike is managing...but has anyone asked Mike lately?  I know he tears up when he reads my posts on this blog.  I know he misses his little princess like crazy.  I wish I could do something for him like he's done so much for me...but I think the only thing that will fix either of us is holding our little princess again on that glorious day that is coming...I can see it in the distance...not too far away...there's a wedding and a feast...

Today I came across another blog http://fathersgrievinginfantloss.blogspot.com/ and the poem below was posted there.

It must be very difficult

To be a man in grief,
Since "men don't cry"
and "men are strong"
No tears can bring relief.

It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test,
And field the calls and visitors
So she can get some rest.

They always ask if she's all right
And what she's going through.
But seldom take his hand and ask,
"My friend, but how are you?"

He hears her crying in the night
And thinks his heart will break.
He dries her tears and comforts her,
But "stays strong" for her sake.

It must be very difficult
To start each day anew.
And try to be so very brave-
He lost his baby too.

Eileen Knight Hagemeister

If you're a grieving dad, how are you managing? coping? surviving?

Good bye Moses the Cat.

Good bye Moses the cat.

Moses came into our lives in October 2004.  We had no children.  I was in my 3rd/4th year of university and there was an ad on a bulletin board.  Free Cat!  Moses came with a litter box that we still have, was neutered and declawed (cruel, but kinda nice for us, actually).  Moses' name was Mojo...we preferred Moses...it suited him and we later joked we would get two more cats or dogs or whatever and name them Aaron and Myriam...

Mike did not really want a cat.

When I came home with Moses I told Mike we only had to keep him one week and if he still didn't want a cat I'd actively try to find him a home.  When I opened the cat carrier, Moses bolted under the couch...a few minutes later Mike was on his hands and knees trying to coax him out...and the rest, as they say, is history.

Anyway, the weeks turned into months and years, as they are apt to do and Samuel came along.  One funny thing I remember so clearly is a time when Samuel was about 4 months old (and weighed roughly the same as a large male cat). Samuel fell asleep on Mike's chest...Mike fell asleep too.  Samuel awoke and after I picked him up was quickly replaced on said chest by Moses the cat...Mike twitched and Moses leaped!  Mike leaped after him....thinking it was Samuel jumping off his chest...I'll never forget the look on Mike's face! 

The years bumbled along and we added Vincent, Theodore and Eva to our family.  Moses was always the perfect cat for children...didn't take endless beatings but never defended himself too much either, just removed himself from the situation with dignity...sometimes he bit the rougher kiddos but never broke the skin.  Moses' favourite spot to sleep was on Mike's chest...just like all the other kids in this house.

This past summer Moses got less and less attention as we all rallied around Eva...nonetheless he never held a grudge and when Mike was available, Moses was there, purring away. 

Today I went to town with the kids.  When we came home Moses was lying in his usual spot on our bed.  He did not move when I came in and his eyes were open in a weird way.  I touched him and still no response...

It is with sorrow that we bid adieu to another loved member of our family.  There are various opinions as to whether cats go to Heaven, and while I do not know the answer to this question and the bible does not make it really clear I know that I serve an awesome God and I know that God knows when even a sparrow falls and God takes care of His creation...a nice thought is that maybe Moses the cat is hiding in the bushes while Eva dances by...

*I have tried for the past hour to upload a picture of Moses, to no avail...I am giving up and going to bed.