Saturday, October 11, 2014

Capture your grief. Day 7. Sacred place. (And a holter monitor for Felix).

Sacred place. Officially, Eva's trees are a sacred place. Somewhere I go to feel close to her. Im looking forward to making that space beautiful over he years. Next year we can bury her ashes and have a gravestone which I think will be another sacred place.

But the truth is that the place I feel closest to her and most connected to my princess is at the hospital where she was treated and died, especially the cardiology department, and at Ronald McDonald House. The hospital feels the most sacred. I cannot go there without quietly crying in a corner somewhere and then pulling myself together to get what needs doing done.

I'm tired of saying that I just miss my girl so much but how I do. How I miss that itty bitty bit of sweetness. 

On another note today Felix got a holder monitor done. It is a monitor that checks your heart rhythm for 24 hours. Eva only went into the bad VT rhythm when she was sleeping at first so when we took her to well baby checks there was nothing indicating a problem. Here he is looking completely happy and normal.

But hiding beneath his sleeper is this

Eva looked so perfect on the outside. But hiding away inside her chest was a heart that was breaking...and we couldn't tell. She looked so perfect on the outside.

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