Tuesday, December 17, 2013


I'm being squeezed lately. Squeezed by opinions. Squeezed by my overwhelming sadness of Christmas without Eva. Squeezed by my foot squeezing itself into my mouth. Squeezed by rumours. Squeezed and wrung out and done in. As much as I write here I don't even write about it all. So much is so ugly and I don't want to lose anymore people in my life.


  1. I will keep you in prayer. I am so sorry for your pain. I understand not wanting to tell the world everything on a blog. I know from my own experience that I have had a lot go on in my life that I don't reveal on my blog because I'm not sure who is reading it and I'm not sure that I want everyone to know everything. If I knew this was truly anonymous I would probably write more about my trials.

    That being said, don't let the enemy think that he has the upper hand on you. He is the king of lies and deception. He wants us to lose heart and to second guess and to wallow in our bad circumstances. Don't get me wrong...it is ok and healthy to grieve, but don't listen to his lies. He wants us to stay down and out. We are sinners and aren't perfect.

    One thing that is more difficult than anything for me to do is to forgive myself for, what I perceive as, mistakes I've made. We are called to forgive ourselves and others and sometimes I have to forgive myself each day for the same issues for months and sometimes years.

    That is one of the things that keeps me reading your blog...you keep it real and sometimes real is ugly. Usually God turns ugly into beautiful somehow. We don't usually see that happening though until months and sometimes years later when we look back.

    Blessings and Hope, my friend

  2. I had the same thoughts as Cheryl! I continue to keep you, my sister and others who have lost a child in my prayers. Thank you for sharing some of your thoughts and feelings.

  3. You have been so quiet lately. I was hoping that it was just the hustle and bustle of the holidays, but it seems that there is more going on than that. I wish you strength and peace as we enter another Christmas without our baby girls.

  4. I'm sorry Em, that sounds so rough. I'm always open to ugly, if you want to share.