Friday, May 31, 2013

The sucky truth.

I walked into a store in my small town today. I am known there but not really  known. I was greeted with a 'hello' and then 'how's your baby girl?'.  I was so shocked I just answered the question with the reality of 'Dead'. I it really possible that this person really doesn't know that Eva is dead. Is it really possible?

Turns out she meant How's Nathan? Guess she heard we had a baby but the gender got mixed up in there somehow...then she backtracked and said didn't we have a little girl though...well, yes, sort of. Little J is not yet legally adopted nor is she , at three and a half, a baby either.

The thing that annoys me the most is that I know I've been called abrasive, too-sensitive, and callous in relation to Eva. And I hate how with that one word answer there is now more fodder...

I've just started being comfortable in my own skin again, when this happens. And I feel like I'm right back at the beginning again, but with more experience. And now I feel like I need to apologize or something for saying the truth about my baby girl. My baby girl is dead. And it sucks. Every day it sucks. But it's the truth. The sucky truth!

And now I'm exhausted with a headache. I've put a movie on for my earthly kids and Nathan is in the swing...if I'm lucky I'll get 15 minutes to recoup from this blow.

How would you have answered that question?


  1. Replies
    1. Thank you SPS. Thank you for helping me feel a little less mad in a world gone mad.

  2. I have no idea how I would have answered that. I have had to tell some clients who asked about Grace recently that she passed away. There is always that awkward pause where people are stunned and generally say something stupid. I am sorry that you had that experience.

    1. The thing about this is that it so totally caught me off-guard. She knew Eva died. It was just so shocking and unexpected 21 months after her death. I actually phoned her up tonight and we had a little chat and things are better now. I'm glad our town is small enough that I knew her last name and could look her up in the phone book.

  3. Like you. There's no point dancing around reality.

  4. The same way. No need for you to apologize. So what if the other person is uncomfortable, we are uncomfortable every day. Let them squirm a bit. They don't have to think about how to answer those type if questions, we do and it's not easy.