Wednesday, January 1, 2014

The first day of 2014

We rang in the new year with my mom and some friends with their five children. We ate dinner. We played Dutch blitz. It was nice but it was a little melancholy. To count ten children and not eleven. To be all together enjoying time together. To send the herd of children downstairs to watch a movie for awhile but to be without my girl in the midst of a celebration. It was ok though. I made it through without tears, so far.

In the middle of the night Nathan woke up and I couldn't go back to sleep for thinking of my girl and realizing, yet again, that we are passing another milestone without her. Entering another year where there will be no new photos of her. No new memories made of her. The time we had with her was finite. Oct 15 2010-Aug 15 2011. There will be no more of her for us, on this green earth.

Moving forward, it's hard. And there is no choice. There is only one way to go. I comfort myself with the knowledge that every step is a step closer to my girl and seeing her again.

I miss you so much my sweet Eva. You are ever with us but how I long to hold you my little girl.


  1. It's just hard. I hate that there is no choice in all this. Last year I last held my son. The year before, I last held him alive.

  2. The first year, and some of the second, I wondered how it was possible that the world hadn't stopped on its axle without Eva in it?