On Monday I went to the hospital for a non-stress test. Just routine.
I got there and the nurse asked me about my pregnancies and why I was there for routine NST. I said I had had a previous baby with heart problems.
'oh so this is your second pregnancy'
'so four at home'
'no, three at home'
'so three term and one miscarriage'
'no, my daughter died when she was 10 months old'
'oh I'm sorry, so let's take your temperature'
She got me settled and strapped the monitors onto me. That was fine, although there was some sanitary drama that this hospital germophobe picked up on that no one else would likely have noticed.
After about 10 minutes on the monitor a loud alarm went off and another nurse came in. She quickly adjusted the machine and said the paper was stuck.
'the paper is stuck, people always freak out. They think their baby is dying or something'.
For the record I was actually not freaking out as the baby was kicking at the time of the alarm (or else I might have been). However her comment sent me for a loop at an already emotional time cause the last time I was in that room was with my sweet Eva still within.
So this nurse left and I started silently crying with the emotions of being there. It's not that I was particularly more sad than usual. It was just emotional. And, for me, the emotions come out of my eyes, more often than not.
And so the original nurse comes in and glances at the strip and cheerily says that everything is just perfect and baby is fine (which is great) but does not even look at me or she would have noticed that not everything is just perfect.
I have read several books lately about childbirth and midwifery. A recurring theme among them all is that with the advent of the strip medical professionals look only at the strip and don't even talk to the mom. I totally found that out first hand on Monday when everything was 'just perfect'.