missing

Dearest Daughter of my heart,

How I miss you and who you would be. Two and a half years old on the 15th of April. Two and a half! The little girly things you would be doing. The joy you would bring my heart to have a daughter.

And here I am writing a letter to my invisible daughter. My speechless daughter. My precious daughter.

I can't wait until I get to see you in heaven. When I can scoop you up and hold you close. Hear your laughter and smell your smell.

Will you be a baby or will you be a young lady?

All this I'd like to know. So much I'd like to see RIGHT NOW!

And the tears come washing down as we wait for the birth of the sibling that never would have been without you.

And I just miss you so much. I always will.

When I wake up and when I lie down.
When I cry and when I smile.
When I answer 'okay' to a 'how are you feeling?'
When I see the beauty of a sunrise.
When the sunflowers bloom, and when they dry out.
You are with me. Always silently travelling in my heart.

Oh sweet Eva. Why am I so bereft? Why did you have to go?