I walked into a store in my small town today. I am known there but not really known. I was greeted with a 'hello' and then 'how's your baby girl?'. I was so shocked I just answered the question with the reality of 'Dead'. I thought...is it really possible that this person really doesn't know that Eva is dead. Is it really possible?
Turns out she meant How's Nathan? Guess she heard we had a baby but the gender got mixed up in there somehow...then she backtracked and said didn't we have a little girl though...well, yes, sort of. Little J is not yet legally adopted nor is she , at three and a half, a baby either.
The thing that annoys me the most is that I know I've been called abrasive, too-sensitive, and callous in relation to Eva. And I hate how with that one word answer there is now more fodder...
I've just started being comfortable in my own skin again, when this happens. And I feel like I'm right back at the beginning again, but with more experience. And now I feel like I need to apologize or something for saying the truth about my baby girl. My baby girl is dead. And it sucks. Every day it sucks. But it's the truth. The sucky truth!
And now I'm exhausted with a headache. I've put a movie on for my earthly kids and Nathan is in the swing...if I'm lucky I'll get 15 minutes to recoup from this blow.
How would you have answered that question?