Hearts (here and in heaven).

I have been following a local blog for the past few months. A blog I have followed with fear, pain, trepidation,  some jealousy (to be honest), and hope. Today my heart is broken open for another mama. Another family now entering the darkest road. Walking the loneliest path.

I can just about hear the mama screaming and wailing on the kitchen floor. The sleepless nights to come. The hopelessness of the darkest grief. The regrets and the rage. The excruciating pain and the bottomless pit of despair. My heart breaks open for this mama.

Today is also Theodore's fourth birthday. How can he be four? A boy with a fresh haircut and an attitude. A preschooler in the fall. May 21st. May 21st. A day of celebration in our family and the darkest day for others. The juxtaposition never fails to rend my heart. How joy and pain can be so intertwined.

Someone smiled at me in town today. I remember that I wondered how people could possibly smile in the weeks following Eva's death. Didn't they know the most precious girl in the world was dead. How could they possibly smile? How? And today I smiled back at the kind smile coming my way. Who knows what pain this woman carried too...and she smiled at me.

My heart is broken open for this family. All this pain and still death. But in death there is life too. Life with the Father. And Eva is welcoming Hope home. Eva's and Hope's heart are both perfectly whole and beating in a perfect rhythm. Hearts breaking here and hearts healing in heaven.

Ah little girls, little girls...why did you have to go so soon...