Monday, August 4, 2014

Feeling Augusty.

I'm here. August is here. I tried to put off my awareness of August as long as I could but my body just knew the moment August arrived. Feeling sad and defeated. Feeling pregnant and feeling like I just gave birth last week. How is it that I'm getting ready to do this again?

Can't shake the feeling that something will go wrong with this birth. But, is that really surprising, especially considering it's August. I no longer trust my instincts about something happening, or not. Because I often have premonitions that things will go wrong, and they don't. Or I think all is fine and my little girl dies. Wtf?

Baby is still a boy. My kids all want a girl. I want a girl. Mike doesn't care but wants a girl for me. Why has God given me such a desire for a daughter and then denied me over and over again?

The ultrasound was very clear. There was no denying the boy parts that filled the screen.  On the upside I am much less of a wreck than I would be if this baby was actually a girl.

Speaking of girls. The ride in honour of my favourite girl is in five days on Saturday August 9.

If you would like to sponsor  my earth side children as they ride in honour of their sister, here is their personal page. I'll post again with pics of the ride afterwards.

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