Monday, October 6, 2014

Capture your grief. Day 5. Journal (and Vincent's birthday)

I was given about five journals when Eva was in hospital. I kept random notes in one of them. It hurts still to read the hope and the procedures now whilst knowing the outcome. I also posted on care pages and had plans of getting it bound. But, for none and some reasons I haven't done it yet. I still write in a journal. It is sporadic but I don't beat myself up about it if I don't write for awhile. I'm even more raw in there than I am on my blog, so it's not pretty. But sometimes it is. Sometimes it is beautiful. This is the one I'm currently filling. Still leftover from the many given to me. It's with my bible, and, tonight, my youngest son.

And having nothing to do with grief but a lot to do with our lives. Oct 5 is also my second son's birthday. He is a joy and a workout. Love my Vincent!

October 15 is fast approaching. Infant loss day and also Eva's birthday. I snapped this pic of Vincent's presents the night before when I got them ready. The empty chair screams at me despite Vincent filling it the next morning. Ten days later we will be getting ready for Eva's birthday where we celebrate her but she never comes for her presents or eats a piece of cake. Simply missing. 


  1. happy birthday, vincent! yes sometimes it's hard to read what is written in those journals. *sigh*

  2. October is a difficult month, bitter and sweet. My blog is the journal I kept during Nicholas' illness and then I continued to write to save my soul. You keep writing and posting and living and grieving and I'll keep reading your blog. Hug.