Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Third Birthday in Heaven

As the third birthday of my girl draws to a close I remember the days leading up to her birth and the joy of her birth. The sweetness of holding my only daughter. I remember how she changed my life. How I looked forward to shopping with her and finally, finally having some pink in our house.

Today was more sweet than the last two birthdays have been. Although I wish more than anything it was more of a day to enjoy than endure. The sadness that is always with me burns more brightly on these special days. How I would love to have my three year old girl blow out her candles rather than the rest of us as we sing "happy birthday" through our tears.

Today we adopted an as yet to be named cat from the SPCA. This cat was born on Eva's birthday last year and was brought into the SPCA on Nathan's birthday this year. She was just waiting to be adopted by us. It was something really nice and special to do on Eva's birthday. Cause we want to get her a gift...but what can we buy her that isn't just more stuff on a shelf. There's so much I wish I could get her and so little I actually can...

The as yet un named birthday cat!
We had a 'party' at home which consisted of a crappy store bought roast chicken with leftover mashed sweet potatoes and sliced kohlrabi. However...drum roll please...I also picked up some artichoke hearts to put on the table. I LOVE artichoke hearts and I always cook my kids' favourite meal on their birthday. However, Eva never had a favourite meal (other than breastmilk) so I have deemed artichoke hearts her favourite food. Get it, hearts...for our heart girl.
We had angel food birthday cake for the third year in a row for her. Angel food cake for our sweet little three year old who is flying with the angels.  We sang her Happy Birthday through our tears and blew out her candles.
And here is part of her cake with her third 'growing up girl' on it. Cause it's not just the Baby Eva that we miss so much, it's also the cute little three year old we wish for...

Happy third birthday in heaven my sweet Eva...miss you so much. Mama.

*for whatever reason I am not able to get the picture vertical and am too tired to keep trying but, well, you get the picture I'm sure...
A special thank you to Trisha for the sweet, sweet little book you sent. It brought tears to my eyes as I read it to the children at the table...and it was so nice to have a gift to unwrap for Eva...


  1. I was thinking of Eva all day yesterday. Happy 3rd Birthday sweet baby! I love Eva's cat what a great idea to honor her with. I am glad that this year was a little easier than the last 2. I so wish that she was here with you instead. Time goes on, but the complete and utter unfairness of it all never changes.

  2. I'm glad you had some sweetness yesterday, and that you liked the book. I adore that little tortoiseshell kitty face. What a nice gift for Eva's birthday. She sure does seem to be "meant" for your family, doesn't she? The name for her that popped into my head when I read about her dates was "Kismet". It means Fate and Destiny.

  3. Happy birthday to Eva; hugs to you, Mama. I wish your sweet girl were in your arms where she should be.

  4. Oh Em. There's always something in your writing that just grabs me, squeezes my heart and elicits tears from my eyes.

    "it's not just the Baby Eva that we miss so much, it's also the cute little three year old we wish for"

    Happy birthday, sweet Eva.

    1. A3B, I can't tell you how thankful I am for your regular comments. If it weren't for you I would wonder if anyone was touched by my writing. You are a blessing to me.

  5. Happy Birthday to Eva <3 (((hugs))) for you! What a beautiful "God thing" for you to find that cat with such special dates associated with it! Truly sent by God <3

    One year I decided to sponsor a little boy in memory of my beloved Caleb. I wrote a letter explaining that I wanted to sponsor a boy about the same age as Caleb would have been. I have been sponsoring little Jin Woo ever since. It does help when you have something/someone tangible to dedicate to the memory of our loved one.

    With Hope,

    1. Cheryl, Yes we plan on getting a compassion child as well that is the same age as Eva but they don't usually age-in to the programs until they are 5 or 6 so we are planning on waiting until then to sponsor another one. Maybe for her fifth or sixth birthday that will be what we do...

  6. So sweet. Happy Birthday Eva. I am currently doing a book for my son Link and scrapbooking those pages from when I was pregnant and the day he was born. Oh, how it tears at my heart!! Such joy! Never knowing what agony was ahead! I hope, truly hope, one day I will look at those pictures & find the sweet more than the bitter.
    How completely amazing to find a cat with those dates!! Can't wait to see what you picked out as a name.
    Beautiful, sweet cake. So neat that you get those "growing up girls." I wonder if they have something like that for boys...