Friday, June 21, 2013
Let's talk about death challenge: Day 21
I used to be able to talk to many people. Laugh about inconsequential things. After Eva died I literally was able to freely speak to about two close friends plus my husband and children. Everyone else drifted away or I drifted from them. They could not speak to my pain and I could not explain.
It's almost two years now since her death. I am able to, once again, chat about inconsequential things but when I do, I'm always thinking about Eva.
I was betrayed by three people in my grief journey. A, K, and R. I will probably never speak to them again in any sort of a meaningful way. While I may forgive I will never forget those who betrayed me in my darkest hour. I will also never forget those who walked through the darkness with me. H and C are my closest friends as they were able to come alongside me in the discomfort of the darkness.
Before Eva died those two groups would have been lumped somewhere together with varying degrees of appreciation. Now, there is a deep divide between those who stayed and those who betrayed. And, lingering somewhere in the middle of those two groups is everyone else. Those who neither stayed not betrayed. Neither comforted nor caused pain. The group that drifted away, only to return now, when I am, once again, able to chat about inconsequential things.