We arrived at 5am and were put on the monitor for 20 minutes. Baby looked great and contractions were medium. We decided to go for breakfast and come back at 8am.
As we were leaving OB triage, KL, a person who stresses me out incredibly, walked in. We figured that she likely wouldn't be there for more than 30 minutes. When we came back after breakfast I heard this voice from behind the curtain say 'Is that Em come back'. At that point labour totally stalled for me. We talked with the nurse who agreed to call us when KL left. An hour later I only had a couple more contractions but when the dr checked me I was 4cm. I was pretty happy with 4 cm at that point, and contractions were resuming.
I was admitted and given a couple more hours to have labour start on it's own. At 12:30 I decided to get my membranes ruptured. The dr came in and ruptured them at 1:15pm. We all expected things to pick up quickly at that point. Things did not pick up.
By 3pm ish I was only 5cm. By 8pm ish I was sitting at 6cm. It seemed like alot of work for only 2cm. At 9pm there was some thought that baby might be transverse. But he was not. Around that same time the dr phoned a couple of times and we all thought she was calling to get me started on pitocin because there had been so little progress. Turned out all she wanted to know was if she had time to have a shower and wash her hair!
By 10:30pm I was 8 cm and stayed that way. I was happy with 8cm. I felt like things were happening. Several times the pain was so intense I told Mike I was sorry but I had to give up. I couldn't do this anymore. I wanted an epidural. I didn't want to have a baby anymore. Mike was incredibly supportive. In between contractions I cried and cried for my little Eva. Wendy hugged me and cried with me. It was an intensely emotional time. I kept watching the clock wondering if this babe would make an appearance before or after midnight. Sometimes I felt like everything was conspiring against me to have this babe on the 15th. I really wanted to save the 15th for Eva but also felt like if it was meant to be on the 15th then that is what would happen. And maybe it would somehow redeem the 15th for us, I'm not sure exactly how.
On April 15th Eva would be exactly 2 and a half years old and home in heaven for 20 months already. Alive in heaven twice as long as she breathed air with me. 1 month longer than she shared her entire life with me (within and without).
At 11:15pm our nurse, K, checked me and figured I had at least half an hour to go. She stepped out for a minute to do some charting and left in the room were myself, Mike, our friend Wendy, and baby within. I then started to really push. It was strange because I had made lots of noise throughout labour and, in the past, I have made pushy groaning noises. This time it was silent. I was leaning over the back of the bed and Mike was at the foot of the bed. I pushed and baby's head was right there. His hair was in my hands. I protected my perinium with my hand and slowed down his passage. Mike said he saw the head and by the time Wendy turned around his head was completely out. She quickly ran to the hall and yelled for our nurse. K came running in and by that time his body was out. I picked him up and held him. He was meconium stained but screaming and doing really well. He was tangled in his cord but it was not around his neck. K untangled him but I refused to relinquish him to anyone. He nursed right away, much quicker than any of the others. It was an awesome birth and felt like a homebirth in the hospital.
Despite the stressors of being so far overdue, a breech baby, the external version and slow-progressing labour, the delivery was fantastic and I am actually quite proud to have delivered him myself and to have saved myself from tearing. And I am grateful our little boy made his official appearance on the 14th.
Monday the 15th we had some visitors but it was limited and I spent lots of time skin to skin with our little boy. I remembered Eva but it was a birth-high, joyful day.
Monday departed and with it the birth-high. Tuesday arrived and the icy grip of fear clenched my heart as I beheld the son I would never have had without the death of my daughter. But that is a post for another day. As it is, it has taken me 2 days to write this post and I know there are people wondering why I haven't posted yet. Forgive me.
His first name means Gift because he is Eva's and God's gift to us. It is also in honour of Nathan 'Superlight' Child.
His middle name means the Lord is Gracious and is in honour of his sister, Eva.
We rejoice in welcoming Eva's gift to us.
Our VeRy special rainbow baby.
Nathan Evan J.
April 14th 2013 @ 11:18pm