It's been a couple of weeks since I posted. I've thought alot about writing but some things happened that kept me from it. Not all bad. We spent 1 week in Mexico! Lovely! And no email, facebook, internet at all for the whole time. The day we came home I got sick and have been sick as a dog ever since. The kids are also sick which makes for fun times! Not!
On December 28th we went to my in-laws for dinner. There is a tradition in my husband's family of creating a photo calendar of all the kids and grandkids as a gift to his parents, grandma, and aunt. It's a lovely tradition. Or it would have been except when I perused the calendar the single photo of Eva I had sent to be included in the calendar was not included. I had a complete breakdown in the guest room at my in-laws. I haven't cried like that in months!
I was later informed by the creator of the calendar this year that there was some 'rule' that the photos needed to be from the previous year and that there were no photos of Eva taken in 2012. Therefore she was not included. This is arbitrary bureaucracy bullshit because in the past Mike's brother has not submitted photos of himself and ones from previous years were used. What hurts so much isn't that Eva was not included but that the single photo I sent was not used (except in a crappy cropped thumbnail on the front of the calendar) and that no one thought we would care. Well, obviously there are no photos of her in 2012 so Mike and Em won't even care or be hurt. Like we are not painfully aware, every single day, that there are no photos of Eva in 2012. Like we do not see her out of the corner of our eyes every time we see our children all together. Like we do not wonder what she would do if given the chance to play with them. Like we do not wonder what dress we would pick out for her for Christmas. I wonder how Mike's sister would feel if her child was purposefully left out of the 'family' calendar.
Anyway, that whole thing sent me for a loop to the nth degree, and, by the time I was recovered enough to write we were on holiday-which was a great reprieve from real life! I'm in a much better state of mind now than I was that week but it never ceases to amaze me how the people we care for and who we think should care for us turn out to be such absolutely hurtful creatures it's best to not speak to them in order to protect our hearts and our sanity.
I've just been trying, unsuccessfully, to upload a few pictures from our Mexico trip. Guess those will have to wait as I want to post this now and not keep waiting...