Sometimes I can appear to have it all together and be doing okay when I'm cooking supper and suddenly the grief overtakes me and I find myself crying and silently wailing into the hamburger.
Like when I think about how much Eva loved me so much and always wanted to be with just me and then she suddenly was gone and could never be with me again. Was my baby girl scared and wanting mama and I couldn't comfort her...or are the arms of Jesus all-encompassing and all-loving for my little girl?
Does she ever miss me?
I read this once on a blog, but am not sure who the author is: "They say that time in Heaven is compared to the "blink of an eye" for us here on this earth. Sometimes it helps me to think of my son (daughter) running ahead of me through a beautiful field of wildflowers and butterflies. So happy and completely caught up in what she is doing, that by the time she turns around to see if I'm behind her....I will be." What a beautiful thought...
ReplyDeleteAlso, I know that God/Jesus loves my children with a perfect love...so much more than I could ever love them and I believe with all of my heart that once Caleb died he was at total peace and filled with joy.
I am happy for Caleb that he is in Heaven, but grieve for myself that we are separated from each other.
Blessings,
Cheryl
I've heard this before Cheryl but it comforts to hear it again. Thank you.
DeleteOh Em. Oh Em. Sending lots of love. It's so, so hard.
ReplyDeleteOh, Em. I feel this question so acutely too. Does he ever miss me? Is that even any of my business, because he is probably busy with other things to do, and here I am, with so much of my life just longing longing longing for him.
ReplyDeleteI hope that where they are, they know tremendous love. And maybe time passes differently where they are, and they really don't have to spend much time without us. I don't know, but sometimes I think that way.
I don't know if I want her to miss me or if I want her to be so busy learning and growing that she doesn't. It is what it is anyway but thinking of your children scared and alone and being unable to comfort them is the worst feeling ever. And I know she's not scared or alone...but, was she, in the ER where she died? Was she scared when she couldn't breathe as her heart was filling up with blood? Was she? And it's over now but that's the stuff that sets me off right now...was she scared? Did she feel abandoned? I'll never know this side of Heaven and when I do I'll be so happy to hold her again that those questions will not even be questions anymore.
DeleteCheryl said it perfectly. ~Renee
ReplyDeleteyes she did, didn't she?
DeleteAgain so wish that these were not thoughts you would have to endure....I like what Cheryl said about Jesus' perfect love for the little children. Still in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDelete