One of the things I regret the most not buying for Eva when she was alive was a little doll. Now it hurts extra much to see little girls toting those little baby dolls around. I was planning on buying her one on her first birthday...but she never got to celebrate it here and sending a doll to heaven is pretty impossible.
I follow some other dead kid blogs and some had some neat ideas about remembering their little lost loves over Christmas.
This is what we are doing:
We have a small 'Eva tree' in the living room just for her. On it there is already a snowbabies ornament of a baby with wings. I wanted this last year but couldn't find the perfect one and then found it in July. So that is her 2011 ornament. The year she got her wings. This year I found a little mom and baby doll. The baby doll is perfect and I made it into an ornament. It will go into her stocking and I will finally give her the doll that my heart has been aching to give her for the last 16 months.
The 15th of every month is our special 'Eva day'. It's not something I make a huge deal out of every month but I don't make plans for that day either and I try to do something enjoyable like ride my horse or go for a special coffee, or something on that day. Last year on December 15th we were only 4 months from losing Eva and every 15th, every day, was excruciating. We just happened to decide to do something nice on the 15th and we went to cut down our Christmas tree. We decided to make tree-cutting and stocking-hanging on December 15th our special Christmas tradition on Eva's Day. So this Saturday we will be packing a thermos of hot chocolate for the kids and tromping out to the Saddle Hills Road to go cut down a sparse Christmas tree and then hang our stockings on the banister. Waiting for Santa (or mom and dad) to fill our stockings with goodies to open on Christmas morning.
And speaking of stockings, I got a small stocking made for Eva that matches our other stockings. She did have one Christmas with us before she died so she had a full size one but I am going to take that one over and she will have this new one that is partially made from a pair of her cute little pants. In it we will put her ornament as well as memories of our princess. So the stocking will be filled with her over the days leading up to Christmas and sometime on Christmas Day we will open her stocking and remember her.
If you have not lost a child and you think this is over the top I urge you to think momentarily how you would remember one of your children should they die. Would you just be happy and full of joy on Christmas, only getting gifts for your living children, or would you try to include ALL your children in celebrations, however that may look...
I love the idea of putting memories of Eva in her stocking and reading them on Christmas Day. That's beautiful. I'd love to do that for Charlotte.
ReplyDeleteYou have to play Christmas like you play every other day you spend without her - the best way for you. It sounds like a lovely way of including Eva in your Christmas. :)
ReplyDeleteI love how you're building the Eva's rituals into the holiday in such beautiful and meaningful ways. I love all of these ideas and budding traditions.
ReplyDeleteI love all the ways you remember and honor Eva. So beautiful. We buy Christmas ornaments for Liam. Last year, we found a gold peace bird for his first Christmas. This year, I ordered a little woodland fox on Etsy and had his name sewn on its back. I think a 16 month old Liam would have liked his ornament. My wish is that one day I get to pick out Liam's ornaments with his little brother.
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking about you. I hope you're doing okay. How many weeks are you now? I just got to 34 weeks.
Thinking about you and Eva during this difficult season. Much love from Montreal x x
Tash, I'm sure Liam would love a little fox. Sounds perfect. I am 25 weeks. Hooray for being at 34 weeks. I know what a struggle it is for you right now. I keep checking your blog thinking I've missed something...
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