A party for dead kids.

And we're home.

Home from a really emotional weekend.

When Eva got sick we had 2 encounters with paediatricians. Paediatrician #1 (Dr F) saw us and told us to increase Eva's iron intake and to come back in a month ( He was going on vacation). 2 weeks later she was in PICU. I had booked a follow-up appointment for sometime in August after she got sick and got better but before she died. When the doctor's office called me to confirm her appointment the following day (by that time she had died) I told them she had died so we wouldn't be needing the appointment. The girl on the phone gasped and said sorry and hung up. I never heard a peep from that paeds office ever, ever again. I am actually still livid  a little angry that they never even sent a card or bothered to acknowledge her death at all.

Paediatrician #2 (Dr M) saw Eva a few times in the city. Stopped in at her bedside every weekday morning to make sure I understood her care. Hugged me and kissed my daughter. Called us several weeks after her funeral and made an appointment with us to go over her autopsy and to make sure we understood it all. He has a 'wall of angels' in his office of all the patients he has had over the years who have died (he only sees high-risk kids ,therefore, many die). The contrast between Dr F and Dr M is like night and day. Dr M is above and beyond while Dr F is below and below.

Dr M has a heart of gold. He cares about his kids and he cares about their families, like no one I have ever met. Dr M's partner still sees our healthy boys and it's re-assuring to have a doctor we can trust. Dr C is not Dr M but she was hand-picked by Dr M to follow in his footsteps and, while the shoes are giant she is gifted in filling them.

During the summer we received an invitation to Dr M's home for Sept 8th. A Spiritual Gathering for remembering our beloved, dead children. I didn't know what to expect but it was amazing to say the least. To be at a party where not only is no one surprised when we talk about our dead children, we are expected to talk about our dead children. Where everyone has a dead child. There was also child-care available for living children. It was just simply amazing. Truly amazing.

Everyone had a chance to light a candle for their child and to talk about him or her while a photo was on the overhead projector. It was so healing to be in a room full of bereaved parents. A room filled with many, many tears. Laughter too, and the spirits of so many children. I think I used up a whole box of tissues while I was there. And there was a teepee where we could write messages to our children, or whatever we wanted. There was a dance presentation and a release of butterflies as well as doves. I just couldn't believe it. It was intense and overwhelming and beautiful. And I am thankful. Thankful we found Dr M who cares about the Life and the Death of his kids.

A friend of Dr M said to him one day that only he would throw a party for dead kids. And it was. It was a party. A very personal party of tears and of joy. Of remembering the children everyone seems to want us to forget (or at least to stuff away in the sock drawer).

Dr M knows what he`s doing...

A party for dead kids...you say.  How odd... Yes! A party for dead kids.