So here we are in August. The month I hate the most and the tears have come unbidden and uncalled.
I remember all the hope we had at the beginning of last August. The coming home and the excitement to be in my own house again. Eva was home and now she's Home.
This August is so much different. We are approaching the end of the first year without Eva and my emotions run the gamut. We've had some really good news in our family recently but I feel that while I'm not focusing on some things anymore, the uncertain quicksand of my early grief has returned with a vengeance and I don't know who I am again.
My grief for Eva has surged again and I know I'll manage to crawl my way out of this pit again too but I just miss her so much. I remember her sweet, smiling face and the joy that exuded from her eyes when she smiled. I just wish so bad I could hold her again and see her smile at me and see her walk in the grass outside.
I guess I'll always hate August.
The month death stole my daughter from me.