I know many of you are wondering what our ray of light is, so I will try to tell you a bit about it.
There is still so much that is confidential at this time that I can only give you broad strokes.
We have had, at one point, 2 living little girls in our home, although I only ever write about the one I miss so much. Our sweet Eva.
When Eva got sick and was hospitalized, the other little girl, who is a relative of Mike's, couldn't stay with our family due to regulations. This was probably a good thing as our family was in shambles last summer.
Eva died in August but we decided that we still wanted to open our hearts to this little girl, J.
J moved back in with us in October 2011. I kid you not, it has been very, very difficult to parent and love someone else's little girl when mine is so obviously missing.
Also, my empathy for her bio parents went out the window. I would cut off my arm and run naked through the streets if it meant getting my girl back. I would do anything, anything, jump through all the hoops, if it meant I could hold my darling again. So when people say they want their child back but then don't jump through hoops to get her back, even if those hoops are unfair, then my empathy is gone, gone, gone. I don't care what your life was like as a kid. There comes a time when you have to take responsibility for yourself!
The possibility of adopting J has been on the table from the beginning but it was very distant. Therefore, my heart also had to remain protected and distant.
In July 2012 we found out that the possibility of adopting little J just got significantly more real. That's when I knew that she would likely become our other daughter, but it was still a matter of time.
We had to wait 30 days for her parents to appeal, or not, the court's decision.
We have waited the 30 days. We have not heard from anyone whether there was an appeal or not. I have talked to the bio mom who says they have not appealed. I'm going to choose to believe her.
I am going to post this in hope and faith that all will be ok. And, if it's not, I hope I have not divulged too much here.
I also feel like I need to add here that little J in no way, shape, or form eases my grief about Eva. In many ways it has actually complicated my grief and made it harder as it feels like other people think we have a little girl anyway, so Eva seems to matter less.
More about our Ray of Light to come when I know more...