Thursday, August 23, 2012

A Ray of Light-part 2

I know many of you are wondering what our ray of light is, so I will try to tell you a bit about it.

There is still so much that is confidential at this time that I can only give you broad strokes.

We have had, at one point, 2 living little girls in our home, although I only ever write about the one I miss so much. Our sweet Eva.

When Eva got sick and was hospitalized, the other little girl, who is a relative of Mike's, couldn't stay with our family due to regulations. This was probably a good thing as our family was in shambles last summer.

Eva died in August but we decided that we still wanted to open our hearts to this little girl, J.

J moved back in with us in October 2011. I kid you not, it has been very, very difficult to parent and love someone else's little girl when mine is so obviously missing.

Also, my empathy for her bio parents went out the window. I would cut off my arm and run naked through the streets if it meant getting my girl back. I would do anything, anything, jump through all the hoops, if it meant I could hold my darling again. So when people say they want their child back but then don't jump through hoops to get her back, even if those hoops are unfair, then my empathy is gone, gone, gone. I don't care what your life was like as a kid. There comes a time when you have to take responsibility for yourself!

The possibility of adopting J has been on the table from the beginning but it was very distant. Therefore, my heart also had to remain protected and distant.

In July 2012 we found out that the possibility of adopting little J just got significantly more real. That's when I knew that she would likely become our other daughter, but it was still a matter of time.

We had to wait 30 days for her parents to appeal, or not, the court's decision. 

We have waited the 30 days. We have not heard from anyone whether there was an appeal or not. I have talked to the bio mom who says they have not appealed. I'm going to choose to believe her.

I am going to post this in hope and faith that all will be ok. And, if it's not, I hope I have not divulged too much here.

I also feel like I need to add here that little J in no way, shape, or form eases my grief about Eva. In many ways it has actually complicated my grief and made it harder as it feels like other people think we have a little girl anyway, so Eva seems to matter less.

More about our Ray of Light to come when I know more...

15 comments:

  1. Oh I hope so. I hope this comes to pass so very much. For J and for you and your family. That you will able to lay down the guards (which are obviously required at the moment) and love this little girl without fear.

    And my heart aches for you. I have my own experience of raising one little girl and missing another so very desperately.

    My empathy for her bio parents might also be a little bit weak. As you say, we would do anything to have our daughters back, anything at all.

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    1. Thank you Catherine. It has been very, very difficult. Especially when people say well, it's ok, cause you have a little girl now.
      I imagine comments similar to those came your way with the twins.

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  2. I am very excited for you! I am praying that God would work quickly and she would be forever yours! Cant wait to hear details when you are able...

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    1. Julie, While we love her it is still a very rough road and my heart is still broken.

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  3. Oh I do hope this works out! Having another son has not lessened my grief, but it is wonderful nonetheless!

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    1. Molly,
      I don't want to diminish the value of adoption but there is a bit of a difference. She was with us already before Eva died and she is not a baby. She is, in fact, older than Eva would be. She has already lived with us for over a year...we just did not know if she would be staying or not. I do like buying her pink things but when she grows out of them it's hard to toss them in the too-small bin instead of passing them on to Eva.

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  4. Oh, good! I was hoping your news would be something like this. I was also wondering what had happened with little J - thanks for filling in the details. I hope the last little legal bits go smoothly for you. I can imagine it has been a very mixed blessing having J in your care. Hopefully over time the difficult parts will become less, and the joyful parts become more.

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    1. Ts. You have it exactly right. Hopefully the difficult parts will become less and the joyful parts become more.
      Thank you.

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  5. Em. My father was adopted. I feel so incredibly lucky that I got to have my grandma wwasps one of the most amazing women I ever knew. Adoption is wonderful. I hope it works out for her and your family. No girl or boy, adopted or biological can replace another person. I hope there is only love. But know there is struggle too. Hugs.

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  6. I hope that it's not too soon to say congratulations! It would be such a gift to parent a child that you already know and who knows you. And while I know that J could never replace Eva, having another soul, another little girl around could definitely spark some new joy into everyday life.

    Keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you and your family:) <3

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  7. Praying that your journey with little J will be filled with moments of joy and happiness. We will never replace the children that we have lost, but we try to do our best with what the Lord has gifted us with.

    With Hope,
    Cheryl

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  8. I hope this works out, that all goes smoothly. It sounds like it would be very good for J. to be able to live with you permanently. I can see very clearly (I think) how hard it could be, at times, to mother a daughter whose own mother must not want her as badly as you wanted your own daughter who is not here. That is a stunning conundrum, and a hard one to swallow sometimes, I imagine. Hoping with you and hoping for the best for J.

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  9. I so hope that everything goes well with J, your ray of light. Keeping you all and sweet Eva in my thoughts. xo

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  10. Praying that it all works out for you and for J. I think my ability to feel sympathy for her parents would also be challenged, considering, as you said, what I would do to get my child back.

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