Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Nonetheless, thankful

I read most of the book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp quite some time ago (thanks Karen and Marjie).  I began a thankful journal sometime before Christmas.It helped me to see the small things that I am thankful for rather than focussing all the time on my great loss.

Today I stopped by Fawne's blog  She inspired me to share with all of you some of the things I am thankful for. Even in the midst of my sorrow, there is joy.

  • Thankful for a warm little boy snuggled up in bed with me.
  • Thankful that losing Eva has made heaven such a real place for my sons and that they talk about it and desire to go there.
  • Thankful for sharing the gift of an AMAZING winter sunset sky with two small sons clinging to me; holding them up to keep their bare feet off the snow.
  • Thankful for a husband that is a source of strength and comfort.
  • Thankful for pumpkin seeds hot out of the oven.
  • Thankful for paper plates when needed.
  • Thankful for Theodore's squeaky little voice.
  • Thankful for Oma reading stories
  • Thankful for Theodore who said "God made that" as he pointed to a star.
  • Thankful for the joy of getting a Christmas tree amidst the pain of December 15th and four months without Eva.
  • Thankful for Vincent who hugged me so tight the whole Christmas Eve service, and who just wanted Eva to come home for Christmas.
  • Thankful for Samuel who was so happy to get a framed photo of himself and his sister for Christmas Eve.
  • Thankful for Theodore who totes his 'Baby Eva' around and was so excited for all the pictures of Eva on Christmas Eve.
  • Thankful that 2011 is over.
  • Thankful for the hope of a New Year.
  • Thankful for the laughter shared with Paul and Manuela.
  • Thankful for coffee.
  • Thankful for Elliott and Tess playing with my boys.
  • Thankful that I yearn for heaven more than I ever have before.
  • Thankful for the assurance of Jesus and the hope I have of seeing Eva again.
  • Thankful for 3 breathing sons.
  • Thankful for Josie.
  • Thankful for a warm house.

Above is just a small excerpt from my journal.

Today I am specifically:

  • Thankful Mike is working.
  • Thankful the Tyler kids and their mom came over this morning.
  • Thankful for the sun, and children playing outside.
  • Thankful for coffee.
  • Thankful for the 9 months Eva spent in my belly.
  • Thankful for the 10 months I had to hold her and love her outside of my belly.
  • Thankful that I threw sleep training out the window and slept with Eva on the hospital cot as much as possible while I had the chance.
  • Thankful that Eva continues to touch our lives, despite being physically absent from us.
  • Thankful for tears. (Can you imagine not being able to release that kind of emotion).
It is amazing how many little things there are to be thankful for and, all together, they are not that little. They are just taken for granted so much that it is not till we look for them that they appear, like mountains coming out of the mist. The mountains were always there and never left, but the mist obscured them. As these things are always there but the mist of oblivion obscures them.

  • Nonetheless, thankful, in the mist of my huge sorrow.


  1. This is lovely Em. I know we don't share the same religious belief system but I am thankful that you have such a strong secure relationship with your god and the promises you believe in. I sit in our meditation room with my son and we take turns talking about and listing things we are grateful for. I am grateful there is so much to be grateful for. I am also grateful for you.

  2. It can be hard sometimes, and it was especially hard during the early bit of grieving, to remember all the good that is still in my life, but it is so good for the soul to think on positive things, even if just for a little while.

  3. This is beautiful and touching, Em.

    I'll always be thankful for the time I had with Molly. I got to see her dancing around on the ultrasound, feel her kick, hold her and gaze at her lovely little face. I feel that, too: In the midst of my sorrow, I am so, so thankful for Molly, and I would never want a life that didn't include her.

    I'm glad you have so many things to be grateful for. Love and hugs to you. xo

  4. I love your thankfuls, it's hard to pick a favorite, but I especially love the "throwing the sleep training out the window" one. You guys are so special. Reading this was encouraging. I miss you. When does coffee work for you next week?

  5. Oooo....I love this Anella. You gave me the shivers. I haven't read your blog forever cuz of all the craziness in my life lately. Finally finding the time to catch up. Praying for you....always.