Thursday, July 3, 2014

Signs and dreams

One thing I've wished, hoped and prayed for is to have some sign or dream of Eva.

I have received neither except for one dream but she was already dead. So not what I was hoping for at all.

Time and time again my big prayers remain unanswered. It feels like God is purposely silent where and when I need him most.

If you have received a dream or sign from your beloved I would love to hear about it. Please comment.

Much love, Em


  1. I have dreamt about Zachary. They haven't been peaceful or assuring dreams, but typically some sort of reiteration or re-enactment of the fact that I cannot save him. Dreadful.

    I am reluctant to fully believe in what I might perceive to be a sign, but nonetheless, I have observed a couple in the months since Zachary died. As background, I dreaded spring - with all its newness, shoots and green, in the face of my Zachary's death in January. I had imagined taking photographs with Zachary in front of our crab apple tree, when it bloomed in full white. Strangely, the crab tree never bloomed this spring. It went from brown with shriveled apples to green..., totally skipped the blooming phase. And, the tulips on the side of our home - not one of them bloomed into a flower. They shot up green with no flower at all. I wrote about this in a blog post...

    Almost 8 years ago, on the day that B.W. stopped moving (in utero), before I noticed it, we had lunch at this brewery/eatery. As you know, vivid memories stay with you from the crisis, and from moments right before life changed forever. So, we remember the booth we sat in, what we talked about, etc. About 4 months after Zachary died, we visited this restaurant for dinner. (We had worked our way over the years to being able to go there and not break down at the awfulness of the "before" that was stripped away from us that day. Took a long time, but we did it.) Wouldn't you know, they put us in the same booth, me facing the same way I did that fateful day, almost 8 years ago. Our family's loss was now doubled with Zachary's death. I looked up from my menu and straight out the window in front of me. A rainbow, a beautiful rainbow. It felt like warmth.

    1. Thank you for telling me Gretchen. I hope you dream some comforting dreams soon. The rainbow at the restaurant sounds amazing.

  2. I have never had a dream, nor do I look for "signs" from Caleb. I have always looked at things as God communicating with me. Once I was at the cemetery and, while surrounded by green trees, I saw a cardinal fly into a tree and just sit there. It reminded me of God and how he is ever present and has never taken his eyes off of me, or even Caleb. I will sometimes have a leaf, that just for a moment attaches itself to my windshield washer, or a gust of wind that makes a rush of air around me for a minute and I can't help but be reminded of the Lord and how he knows every hair on my head.

    I know what you asked is if I've ever had a sign or dream of my Caleb, but as much as I'd love to be able to communicate with him somehow, it is a dangerous path to tread.

    Praying to the dead is strictly forbidden in the Bible. Deuteronomy 18:11 tells us that anyone who “consults with the dead” is “detestable to the Lord.”

    I think that when we feel that God is silent, that is when true faith has to come in. There are many prayers that wont be answered, it seems, except with maybe a "not now", or even a "no", but we have to somehow, even in the most tragic of circumstances trust our Holy God with every situation.

    We are like fish in a fishbowl and we never see the whole picture. We see just a little of what is really going on.

    With Hope and hugs,

    1. I don't care so much for signs one way of the other but I hope every night that tonight might be the night of a dream. I know what you means about communicating with the dead. Sometime in the first year after Eva died I was sorely tempted to seek out a medium or someone like that. At the time I was reading a children's bible to my kids. That very day when I was most tempted I read about how king Saul sought out the spirit of Samuel. I knew then that just because I could didn't mean I should. And I have never sought to go that route again. But dreams, ah, dreams, they are another story.