I sit at a table with Eva's Grandma and Grandpa.
Eva's Grandma was a formidable woman in her day. One of four children. She raised five of her own children to adulthood, one of whom is my dear husband. She taught school. She was a great cook and a truly amazing mother to her children. She is a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a teacher, a grandmother.
She is so many things my Eva never will be. As Mother's Day approaches it makes me so sad that my Eva will never be a mother. I will never cuddle her children.
I sit here and I watch Eva's Grandma and I love her and I wish to be at her funeral. I know Eva's Grandma yearsn for Heaven. I watch her struggle so hard to put a piece of muffin in her mouth. Her bib is already stained with food. Her hand trembles as she reaches for her cup. She wonders aloud to me if today is the day that Hannah is coming. Coming to play the harp for a private audience. No, not today Grandma. Monday. Oh, okay, Monday.
The tears well up in my eyes and I whisper that I better go. I have a lot to do today. But the truth is that I'm just so sad to see Eva's Grandma struggling to eat while I wish I could feed my daughter. My eyes blur over and I think about Eva's Grandma's funeral and I know there will be a party in Heaven when Eva's grandma joins Eva there. I can't wait till I know that Eva will have her Grandma with her. Her Grandma who loves her and who will hold her in her lap and rock her in a rocking chair. Who will caress her hair and rub her face in the downy softness. Her Grandma that could barely hold her in this world but who will be able to swing her high in Heaven. Swing her around and then they can dance together. Something neither Eva nor Eva's grandma could do in this world.
How I long to see them there together, whole and complete. Neither one of them broken or in pain. Just joy. Pure joy. I long for Eva to have someone in Heaven who loved her here on earth. Someone to take a little bit of my love for Eva with her.
I love Eva's Grandma and I know that Eva's Grandma loves Eva. I know she will take good care of Eva while I do my work here and anticipate the day I will get to join them there...although, funny thing, maybe Eva will have the priviledge of showing Grandma around Heaven when she gets there.