It's a lot harder sitting here not getting ready for a birthday party then it is getting ready for one. I'd say this is a good case of the lead up is worse than the day itself. Cause so far, the lead up has been really crappy.
My soul aches.
And it's Canadian thanksgiving.
And I'm thankful. But sad too. So I've decided to quit thanksgiving. At least for this year. I just can't get it together to host a big meal, clean up and not prepare for a birthday party. Not preparing for a birthday party takes a lot out of a mama.
This October 14 Nathan will be exactly 2.5 years old. Had Eva lived she would have been exactly 2.5 years old when she would have met and held Nathan for the very first time.
Felix is over a year old. Things are changing. Spinning.
I can't quite pinpoint the significance of it all but this feels like a big month somehow.
Ah, sweet Eva. Five is so big. What a cutie pie she would be. I'm sorry, Em. And I know, I think, a bit of what you are trying to get at with the younger boys and how they are growing up and the way it can feel like things are spinning. In some ways, everything stands still from the time when they died, but those boys - and mine, too - are such vivid reminders that time goes so, so fast regardless, without our girls. Sending love to you this week. And good for you for letting Thanksgiving go: I support that decision wholeheartedly.
ReplyDeleteDo you still have my email? Get in touch about your visit to Vancouver if you do, and if not, comment on my blog and I'll email you!
"I just can't get it together to host a big meal, clean up and not prepare for a birthday party. Not preparing for a birthday party takes a lot out of a mama."
ReplyDeleteI just can't get it together to do stuff like this anymore - holidays and such. Your words are perfect.... it takes so much to NOT prepare for a birthday party.
A day early, but I'm thinking of you as you approach Eva's 5th birthday.
Thinking of Eva and your family, today. Love to you all!
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