Tomorrow is our fourth Eva's Ride.
As the landscape of our grief changes, so, too, do other things and one of these is Eva's Ride. It's not that we love her less. If anything it's that our hearts just love her so much. It's that there is so much love and nowhere to put it.
So we have decided this is our last Eva's Ride.
Eva's Ride has been a big deal for me to organize. I start with thank you cards in March and I go to our usual sponsors and ask for hot dogs, t shirts, a bbq. It's not hard you know but people get tired of it. They get tired of being asked for stuff. And I don't want to be turned down. It would do me in.
And it's emotional. The cards, the hot dogs, the water, the bbq and it's all not that big a deal except that it's all in memory of my daughter. And it just.hurts.so.damn.much.
And I want to end it when people are still coming. End it before I have to beg people to come. End it before it's so in my face that nobody remembers. Or wants to remember.
I guess it's just time.
I do have some other things up my sleeve but they are much smaller scale and I can do it myself as I want to or need to
So stay tuned something is coming for her birthday in October. Small. But kind.
Much love from Eva's Mama.
I get it. It is a sad truth that people do tire of our desire to remember and honor our dead child publicly, even if it is a fundraiser that benefits others. I think there is a rallying phenomenon in the beginning - let's help turn this "bad" thing into something "good", you know. But then people start falling away and it hurts. You are smart to think about emotionally protecting yourself.
ReplyDeleteI've enjoyed reading about Eva's ride and I think you've done a tremendous job with it, in memory of your little girl.
Gretchen, I think of you and all your boys often. I haven't seen much come up on your blog lately and have been wondering how you are managing these days...
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