Here we are again. Another 15th. My grief counsellor has reminded me that anger is a secondary emotion. Today anger was a secondary emotion to heartbreak. We cut down our Christmas tree today. A tradition we began the first time we had to celebrate Christmas without our princess. It's the beginning of another festive season without her and my heart was broken again. To complicate things I volunteered our family to do an advent reading today and light an advent candle at church. Oh, and it was the candle of joy. Joy? Honestly, sometimes I have no idea what I am thinking.
So we cut our tree and I snapped some pics of my kiddos enjoying the snow. And I kept thinking that our little Eva should have been in there this year for real. Three years old now she could have made the trek with the boys...
And I just feel so heartbroken that once again I am stuck having to enjoy another Christmas without my precious girl.
Today Nathan is 8 months and 1 day old. If he were Eva tomorrow is when she was first admitted to the hospital and the beginning of the end began. So far I have no reason to believe he will be admitted to the hospital tomorrow. But I did take a couple of cute pics of him today, just in case.
Ugh, the candle of joy. Of course it was joy.
ReplyDeletePlenty of anger here lately too. Secondary to feelings of hurt and betrayal, I think. Sometimes it's hard to work it out.
I'm sorry Eva's not racing about with her brothers. At 3 I'm sure she'd be keeping everyone on their toes.
I'd be anxious about Nathan too, though of course I hope that he will continue to be absolutely fine and healthy.