Sometimes it's not all about me.
Many people have said to me, well Em, you need to do what's best for YOU. And sometimes that's true. But sometimes it's not. It's hard to differentiate sometimes between what's right and what's right for me.
I find that in our culture today it's mostly all about me me me. What's best for me? What's right for me? But I find myself in a conundrum right now where I'm in the place of choosing what's best for me and for someone else. The choice involves me a great deal. Is what's best for me also best for them or do they have a best that is not best for me? And there are several other people to consider as well...what's best for them too? And is best that important or is 'good enough' okay too? And is empathy more important than 'best'? And is simply not wanting to travel that road a reason to say that it's not 'best'?
Is easier better than harder?
I want to follow God's will because I know that walking in His will is what will, ultimately, be best for all of us.
It's hard to listen to the still, soft voice of God. It's hard to walk in obedience when my heart is so heavy. It's hard to even know for sure whether what I am hearing is my self-talk or if I'm really hearing from God.
What if what's right for me affects someone else in a terrible way? What if what I think is right even if it doesn't feel right for me is the wrong choice? When this choice can affect someone's life in the hugest way?
Whatever choice is made will always bear what-ifs?
What if we chose the other?
What if we made the wrong choice?
What if what we thought was right was actually wrong?
Is there really a wrong choice and a right choice...or is it all just a different shade of gray?
I need to search the scriptures and find God's truth in his Word. Feelings are fickle, as I've discovered before. Only God remains unchanged and this life is but a drop in the bucket of eternity...and it's eternity that matters...
O God I pray for clarity tonight and in the weeks to come. Open the ears of my heart, God. I want to hear you. Give me ears to hear, wisdom to discern ,and strength to carry through. Help me Lord to walk in your truth and to obey your voice. Dispel the confusion that clouds my soul.