And I was terrified. His sheer tininess magnified the largeness of my fears in losing him.
Now I can spend hours watching him sleep. Watching his chest move up and down.
Sometimes I wonder if I love him too much. I am scared that God is going to take him too...because I love him too much. Love him so much my heart hurts in another way.
I know too many families who have lost more than one child to imagine that I am in any way immune from losing another one of my precious children.
Vincent asks me almost every night these days if he thinks he is going to die that night. I say, no, I don't think you are going to die tonight. My children often talk about how they want to die and go to heaven to be with Eva. I tell them I want to die first. I hate these conversations but I love that heaven is part of our daily life. Because eternity is what matters...
This is me admiring Nathan in his first few weeks of life outside. I spent hours in that chair just taking him in.
I love these kiddos sooo much...ice cream faces and all...just one missing...