Shortly after losing Eva I read a book, among many. But, Somewhere More Holy by Tony Woodlief gave me some new language. Some of this language comes out now when my sons ask who I love best. Now I tell them that in my heart are many rooms and each one of them has their very own room. Eva also has a room...is it an empty room now? No, it is not empty. It is full. Full of love for the little princess I could only lavish love on for 10 short months.
I have 3 sons on earth who bless me daily. I have 1 daughter in heaven and am constantly amazed how many people have been touched through her brief life...but there is one more. One more child I have been keeping a secret from you. A child who is a significant part of our lives. A little girl. A little girl 8 months older than Eva would have been. A little girl who loves girly things, shoes, strollers, kisses, hugs, and 'pretties' in her hair. My heart is torn with this little girl . I want to lavish love on her but my heart is often heavy. When she does cute things I imagine my little Eva doing those things very soon...and it hurts. I want to admire Eva as she makes new discoveries and toddles around her world and my heart. What is she doing in heaven right now? Is she toddling around? Does an angel tuck her in for naps?
And butterflies. Butterflies are for Eva...when this other little girl has butterflies on her clothes (as girls often do)...I see my little Eva there...and somehow she is with us (it's amazing the straws we grasp at, really). My heart yearns for Eva, but this other girl, this little blond pumpkin, is building herself a room in my heart.
This post isn't much today but it's been in my heart...
Hello, I am wondering who this sweet little girl is...a neighbor or a relative? God places people in our lives for a reason and I think that the Lord is growing you through this other little girl as well as your precious Eva <3
ReplyDeleteWith love and Hope,
Cheryl
She is a relative. Later I will tell you all more. Thanks for your many comments. It's nice to know you're reading.
DeleteCan't wait to hear more about her :) I've enjoyed reading your blog :)
DeleteMuch? This post speaks volumes. The separate rooms for each of your children is a beautiful analogy. Oh, and an angel tucking her in for naps. This conjures up such a sweet image. Maybe the angel is tucking in Joseph too.
ReplyDeleteWhenever I see butterflies, I will think of Eva, and the other little girl. x
Kate,
DeleteI'm sure Joseph is being well taken care of in heaven. A really good book I have read is 'Heaven is for Real' by Todd Burpo (with Colton Burpo). I read this book the week between Eva's death and her funeral. In 2011, a children's picture book was also released. (Heaven is For Real, for kids)It is the best book on Heaven I have read to my boys...I'm sure your boys would like it to. I think of you and Joseph often.
Just the other night I thought of you when I was reading Tony Woodlief's blog and here you've already found him. Peace to you.
ReplyDeleteLeslie
I didn't know he had a blog...I'll have to check him out...you always were thoughtful, Leslie.
DeleteI'll have to check it out one day.
I love the idea that a heart has many rooms. What a wonderfu way to describe love to our children.
ReplyDeleteI think this is beautiful... I'm a visual person so as I was reading I was strolling through your children's rooms and could see them all decorated in was that I know their personalities to be. Miss you all... and love your heart!
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful post. You are in my thoughts often.
ReplyDeletelove this post...continuing to keep you in my prayers
ReplyDelete