I confess that it is so much harder to walk the walk than it is to talk the talk.
I confess that I wailed and howled for Eva in the shower tonight.
I confess that it still hurts like she died yesterday, and no, I'm not over it.
I confess that it feels like I have almost no friends left.
I confess that I am no longer a friend either.
I confess that my heart is broken open, that my tears flow freely, and I am overwhelmed with grief.
I confess that I am envious of other people's children.
I confess that I am mad when people tell me how to feel, especially if they don't even bother to read this blog.
I confess to agreeing with all you have said here. I wish so much that our worlds were different and that our precious babies were still here, with us. Love to you, Mama.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry Em...
ReplyDeleteIt is so hard to grieve and even harder to keep the feelings in. It is wonderful that you have an outlet here to express in all honestly what losing a child feels like and how you are handling it. It is so refreshing to hear someone who is being "real". It makes other grieving parents know that they are not alone in even their darkest moments.
((hugs)) to you, my friend,
Cheryl
You are a wonderful friend to many of us babyloss moms, don't short yourself. You are an amazing person, working through an awful, gut wrenching loss. Scream in the shower, wail, envy other people's kid do it all you are ALLOWED, I sure do. Even though you may feel alone, you are not, there are many of us on this path and we are with you.
ReplyDeleteI'm so so sorry for your loss. :( My heart breaks for you every time I read your blog. I will never pretend to know how you feel and I hope I don't say the wrong thing. I don't think you ever need to be over it. What you went through isn't something that will go away. Please know that I care and I read your blog often.
ReplyDeletePraying for you...
Still thinking of you tonight...Praying for you.
ReplyDelete((hugs))
Cheryl
I relate to so much of that. I'm sorry, Em.
ReplyDeleteI confess that I would sell my soul and risk eternal damnation (if there is such a thing) to have my daughter back. I suppose some people would be shocked and think that I'm going straight to hell just for thinking that. But it's truly how I feel. Down to my bones.
I love real people!
ReplyDeleteThanks for being so real!
Praying for you...
Heidi
After my few weeks away I got caught up on your blog. I'm very much looking forward to coffee with you tomorrow.
ReplyDelete