I recently took this selfie of myself. In my bedroom in roughly the same spot I took the selfie of myself with Eva you see on the sidebar of this blog, almost four years ago now.
I'm pretty happy with how I look in this photo but I can see how I've aged in the last years.
When I see how I have aged it only makes it more obvious how much my girl should have aged too.
I'm growing older but she should have been growing up. :,(
I do this too - look back and compare. I think it's something to do with looking for outward signs of what has happened to us - this transformative act of our children dying, that took them from us entirely... and rendered us "different" forever.
I also think it's something to do with being tied to that old version of ourselves... our children can't move on, yet we age. Madeleine is growing up, reaching the same milestones as Catherine - and I am playing (apparently) the same role - but I am so different.
Beautiful. If only Eva could be giggling in your arms...
ReplyDeleteIf only...sigh.
DeleteI find more grey hairs every day. I wish that our girls were here with us getting older too.
ReplyDeleteI do this too - look back and compare. I think it's something to do with looking for outward signs of what has happened to us - this transformative act of our children dying, that took them from us entirely... and rendered us "different" forever.
ReplyDeleteI also think it's something to do with being tied to that old version of ourselves... our children can't move on, yet we age. Madeleine is growing up, reaching the same milestones as Catherine - and I am playing (apparently) the same role - but I am so different.
Yup - total head fuck :(
You are a beautiful person inside and out xx