I miss you.

I just miss you little girl.

Nathan Evan is two.

This day two years ago I felt alive again for the first time since my youngest child stopped being alive with me. She would have been exactly 2.5 years old the day after Nathan Evan, her namesake was born. I am so thankful every day for this rainbow child of mine who saved my life.

I can't believe he's made it to two! But he has. I hope he makes it to three...and beyond.

Today we celebrate Nathan with a quiet family party. Hot dogs on a campfire. Chips. Some veggies with ranch dip. Cause ranch dip is this little guys favourite thing to eat.

And cake of course.

I wish I knew what Eva would have loved to eat. Besides breastmilk. I can't wait to find out in heaven one fine day.

May the Lord bless you and keep you. May He shine his face upon you and give you peace dear readers. 

All my love,

Em

Make a wish

There's a special kinda pain that stabs me when kids we know get to make a wish. Another thing Eva never got to do.

The empty seat

We went to a Passover Seder today. 

Unexpectedly the seat right across from me between Josie and my mom was empty. 

The plate stayed untouched. The bitter herbs wilted. Eva should have been there. 

I practically saw her if I squinted. 

As we went through the order of the meal I learned so much. The bread of affliction. The broken bread wrapped in linen. Jesus' body broken and wrapped in linen. So much foreshadowing. I truly am in awe. 

And my heart is still missing an essential piece.

I miss you so much my Eva girl.